The Vengeance Page 6

  He wasn’t the only one who had sacrificed. Max had given up so much. AJ hadn’t spoken a word to him since the night before. While he wanted to convince himself that it was because everything was too overwhelming, he knew the truth. He was angry at his friend. It hadn’t mattered that Max had done the right thing and had made the right choice for both of them. He had broken the bond between AJ and Addie and for that, AJ wasn’t sure if he could ever fully forgive his friend. He was sure he’d get past it someday, but he’d never forget.

  He owed Max so much for his companionship over the years. The man had taught him everything and provided AJ a home when he needed one. These facts were always forefront in his mind, but much harder to remember in spite of the blinding anger for the life he’d lost.

  AJ replayed the entire course of events he’d planned out in his mind just days before: dying for the woman – and the people – that he loved in Lee. He had been prepared for death, accepting of it even. He had braced for the outcome of the battle. What he hadn’t prepared for was losing her while he was still looking at her every day.

  The tears stung his eyes. They were building, a dam ready to burst at a moment’s notice and likely to leave a complete path of destruction as they did. He wiped them gently with the back of his hand.

  As his eyes rose to his next destination, he saw Max standing outside the screen door on the porch in front of him. Nearly everything inside of him told him to walk over to his friend, shake his hand, embrace him, and make him feel better. He knew he should tell Max that eventually things would be okay.

  Except one small part that just couldn’t let go, at least not yet.

  AJ turned and instead of walking to the house began walking towards the barn.

  “AJ! Wait up!” Max yelled, bolting down the stairs and into the wet grass, still dewy from the early morning hour.

  AJ ignored the call. Despite his Healer status, he’d always had one hell of a temper and he didn’t want to unleash it on Max.

  “AJ, please, I’m begging you.”

  “Max, not now.”

  “Yes now.”

  “No!” AJ said loudly, turning abruptly to face his friend.

  By the time Max had the ability to slow down, he was nearly nose-to-nose with his friend. AJ’s fists clenched, rising slightly from his chiseled sides before his fingers stretched out in desperation of keeping calm.

  “AJ, you have to talk to me.”

  “Max! Not now! You’ve made plenty of choices in the last couple days. In fact, you've made enough for both of us. And right now I get to make the choice, and I’m choosing to not speak to you. I know you understand it Max. I need my space.”

  “AJ, please, talk to me.”

  “Max, we will be okay. We will air this out at some point,” he responded, bringing his temper down a notch. “I will, Max. I just can’t right now. It’s too fresh and too hard. I need some time.”

  A look of defeat coated Max’s weary face. As AJ looked over his friend from head to toe, he saw the remorse painted across the man’s entire physique. Max reeked of sorrow. He had no doubt about his friend’s immense guilt. His mind told him to reach out but his heart simply wouldn’t let him.

  “Okay,” Max said.

  Resigned to the notion that nothing would ever be the same for the duo, he raised his hands up in surrender, backing towards the town. Defeat coated his entire appearance.

  After Max disappeared out of view, AJ went back to his room in the B&B. Helen greeted him on his way through the kitchen, taking him by surprise.

  “Good morning,” she said.

  Her usual smile plastered across a miniature face. It looked so tiny compared to the rest of her plump, southern-fed body. She was a beautiful and classy lady who simply commanded respect from the sheer sight of her.

  “Max told me what happened to Addie.”

  AJ shot his glance to her abruptly, halting in mid-stride. It took him a moment to realize she meant she knew the lie about what happened to Addie.

  “Poor girl,” she continued, shaking her head. “Must have been quite a bump. Forgot everything, did she?”

  “That’s what they say,” AJ replied somewhat coldly.

  How many times would he have to relive this story? Relive what happened? Relive the fact that she was not going to remember him?

  “Even you?” She eyed him up and down for a response. “You can’t fool me boy – I know how you feel about her. It’s not a secret.”

  “Well, she doesn’t know anymore. I think it will be a lot simpler for everyone if we keep it that way.”

  His words were less of a statement and more of a demand. Helen picked up on the animosity in his tired voice and let the topic drop. She imagined he was feeling quite hurt and sad over the entire thing, and deemed it best to let it go.

  “If you say so.”

  “I do.”

  As he started walking again, the guilt crept in. This wasn’t the man he was raised to be – cruel to everyone he encountered. He wasn’t a bad guy; just a heartbroken one.

  “I’m sorry, Helen. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. You don’t deserve that type of pain in your life.”

  “Neither do you, honey. Come here and sit down.”

  He paused but quickly caved, knowing she’d never give in. Slinking over to the chair, he sat down.

  Helen sat across from him. Momentarily, he thought back to when she’d shared the story of her son over the same table. She was a woman of both great depth and great wisdom.

  “I’m not going to let you give in, AJ. If you care about her, why would you just let that go?”

  “It’s not as simple as that Helen.”

  “Son, life is often as simple as that. But we go and think things to death and create problems that never existed in the first place, because we don’t know how to just let things be simple. You love her and that’s as simple as it gets.”

  “I wish it were that simple, Helen, I really do. I know you’re trying to help, but there’s so much more that I just don’t want to talk about.”

  “Well I’m here if you need me. For what it’s worth, I think you’re making a big mistake. Chances to be happy don’t come around often in life. You've got to take ’em when they show up. And the last few months, when that girl’s around, you look like a chance just showed up.”

  She winked at him and waved him off before they both started crying.

  As he locked the bedroom door and slid down the wooden barrier to the world, he couldn’t help but wonder what hurt worse: that Addie and he would never be together, or that she would never remember what they’d had in the first place.

  She was indeed the lucky one, he thought. He’d have to remember everything about her for as long as he lived.

  And that, as a Healer, was bound to be a very long time.

  7 LOST AND FOUND

  “I’ll be back in a day,” Matthew reassured her, sweetly kissing Helen on the cheek as he had been doing for so many years.

  It was the usual yearly trip he made to go fishing with some old friends. While age had forced them to shorten the lengths of the manly expeditions, Helen found that she missed him more than ever, even with AJ there to keep her company.

  “Be safe,” she whispered to him.

  “Always am.”

  Helen was nervous, as she tended to get about these men-only trips the last few years. She’d never worried about shady motives or immodest fun, but rather what would happen if something happened to one of these gregarious guys while they were out in the woods. They were not spring chickens, certainly, and if someone lost the bounce in their step and encountered a set-back, she knew it would be difficult for the others to get him to safety. There was no luck in convincing the men of that, though. They always waved her off and went on their way.

  She always carefully plotted how she could explain it to him in a way he’d understand without making him feel ancient. She felt as though she owed it to him to give him these sparing opportunities
for fun and excitement, as he’d given her the world the day he solemnly pledged until death do they part.

  She squeezed his arm again tightly and stepped away from the truck that he and AJ had brought back to life the past few months. It had been the one he’d driven them away from the church in after their wedding and she found certain bliss in seeing it running again. It made her feel young and took them both back to a time when the entire world was theirs for the taking. Their happiness had never been in great adventures or world travels – it existed in one another.

  Their wedding had been a glorious day. She recalled the sunny afternoon as the joyous memories filled her mind and eased some of the fret that had overtaken her. The shiver could have been from the breeze or from the depth of the emotions that resurfaced as the images invaded her soul.

  Her lace gown – a much smaller size than anything she currently wore – stood out, the color of newly fallen snow. The lace dotted the fabric like giant snowflakes, delicately decorating the boat neck curve of the neckline. It showed just enough, but not too much. The sleeves were long, scalloped edging gently covering the top of her hand and only slightly hidden by the giant bouquet of roses he had purchased just for her. Flowers were a splurge she never would have afforded herself with so many other bills to pay.

  The lace reached to mid-calf but her legs went on forever with the pink heels she had chosen. She would have never worn something so edgy to a wedding, especially not her own. She had been wearing them the day they met and knew Matthew adored them if for nothing more than the memories they brought to the surface of her mind.

  Matthew had been utterly handsome the first time she’d seen him. Other girls hadn’t always thought he was good-looking, he always told her. Maybe they’d just never gotten to know him well enough, she’d reply. While his looks were one thing – bold, dark, handsome – it was the beauty he carried within him that brought her over the edge. He had loved her from the moment he saw her and never let her forget it. His constant reminders were far from annoying, but rather a song that she wished to replay over and over in her mind. His looks had changed into a softer, white haired version, yet his heart was the same familiar beat she’d been hearing for decades.

  After losing her son to illness and her husband to the pain, she had watched as her ex-husband remarried and began a new family. Unable to have children due to complications with her son’s birth, she felt tainted and worthless. Who would want a washed up, infertile fool who couldn’t even keep her first marriage together, she’d ask herself? She was alone and preferred it that way, wishing that life would allow her a quick pass-through so her happiness could be regained by an overdue meeting with her son in heaven.

  That wasn’t to be, though. She’d met Matthew, catching his blue-eyed glance from across the barn as the music played and enveloped the crowd. She instantly turned her head, feeling the blush arise from behind the skin of her cheeks. He had smiled at her and while many others had done so before, their glances had merely been out of politeness or pity. This was different. She didn’t know him and he had no knowledge of her life before.

  She tried to wait but could not, slowly turning her blonde curls away and attempting to be nonchalant. Luckily the band was in his direction; she could play it off as watching them. Success was fleeting as she saw that he was still staring in her direction with the biggest blue eyes she had ever seen, his raspberry-lipped smile radiating from cheek to cheek.

  She nearly dropped her glass of soda, stumbling back over a rusted folding chair that she swore had appeared out of nowhere. She was hot, bordering on sweaty, as she pushed her way through the crowd to the barn doors. She hadn’t had a feeling like this since… well, since she met her ex. She felt guilt for the intensity of it, believing that after all she lost she didn’t deserve an ounce of good feelings. She wanted to run but her legs were nearly gelatin, wobbling underneath the coral form-fitting dress she had on. Her mother had made it for her years before, delicately sewing each stitch by hand in perfect formation. She had searched the dress over, time and again, and found not one flaw. She knew the fabric alone must have cost her mother a month’s worth of wages. Her mother had always been amazing in that way, giving everything she had to others.

  As she made it through the rickety white barn doors, she stopped momentarily to catch her breath. She’d gone maybe fifteen feet before her heart had begun pounding like a runner post-marathon, and as loudly as the bass drum on stage. She hesitated as the fear washed over her. The sound was booming and she was grateful for the lively music pumping from the bandstand in the hopes that the tune hid the increasingly loud bump-bump-bump of her heart.

  It was then she felt it. Before she saw him, she felt a docile yet firm hand on her arm and a gentle whisper at her ear.

  “Please don’t leave,” a voice called out.

  She turned her head, the blond waves flurrying behind her from the movement. He was even more beautiful up close, his crystal clear eyes a stark contrast to the dark black of his hair. What a stunning disparity, nearly making her knees buckle out from under her. The smile crept across her face even before she realized it and immediately a tiny hand flew up to cover the betrayal of her body against her soul.

  “Don’t cover your smile,” he said softly, leaning in a little closer. “It’s amazing. May I see it again?”

  She lowered her hand, unable to wipe the grin from her face. Her insides were churning, perhaps from anxiety combined with the frustration of having no control over these emotions and body movements. She wanted to stop smiling; her body simply wouldn’t allow her. She began giggling and was instantly horrified; she couldn’t stop!

  “You should smile more,” the deep voice said. “The way your lips curve up makes the whole room feel a little warmer.”

  She could feel the warm blushing sensation double and she looked away, her body still frozen to the spot where her pink-heeled feet stood.

  “Would you like to dance?” he asked, attempting his most gentlemanly voice.

  As his free hand extended towards the lively dance floor centered in the barn, she noted the lines of his forearms. Muscular and strong. They’d probably feel amazing wrapped around her.

  She stopped the thought, the blush now burned onto her cheeks. Surely, she thought, she looked as though she were on fire. She put her hand to her face and felt the heat escaping from her skin. The fear must have been evident as Matthew addressed her concern.

  “I like the pink,” he said, gently pulling on her to lead her back inside. “On your shoes, too, but mostly on your cheeks. It means you like me.”

  While she should have been taken aback by his bold statement, she only felt hotter. Was that what this feeling was, she wondered as she let him lead her amongst the group of dancers? As her timid feet reached the dance floor, the song changed to one of a much slower pace, the music drifting to a softer level, she was sure the decrease in background noise made her heartbeat vividly audible.

  He wrapped one hand around her waist, lifting her free hand with his. She didn’t put up a fight; she was entranced. Her mind wanted to run but everything inside of her forced her to remain in his arms.

  “What’s your name?” he whispered into her ear as their bodies began to sway to the beat, Matthew careful to keep a safe and respectful distance between their bodies.

  “Helen,” she replied, her eyes catching his momentarily before darting somewhere else.

  “Nice to meet you Helen. I’m Matthew.”

  She cringed at the introduction, feeling instantly rude for not asking his name herself.

  “Hello, Matthew.”

  “What’s a pretty girl like you doing all alone here?”

  “What’s a nosey guy like you doing in this little town?”

  “Now who’s being nosey?” he laughed.

  He twirled her a little and lifted her slim body off the floor. For a moment, she let her guard down and relished in the feeling of the dance. Silence filled the space left between them,
leaving her feeling crowded in a good way.

  “I’d better go,” she hoarsely stammered, backing away from his embrace.

  The emotions she felt were overwhelming. His touch made her nervous and excited and the guilt surged through her veins. Her son was in the ground and she was out dancing. Granted, it had been a year, but it just wasn’t right, she thought.

  “Helen, wait. Did I offend you?”

  “No,” she whispered softly. He sensed a profound sadness in her voice. “I just need to go.”

  “Can I see you again?”

  She stared at him fiercely, her eyes nearly angry. Couldn’t he see how damaged she was, she thought?

  “That’s not a good idea.”

  “Can I call you?”

  “No, Matthew. I have to go.”

  “Then may I at least walk you home? I’d feel much better if I did.”

  She sighed in resignation. She was not going to win this back and forth unless she got blatantly rude, which she wasn’t about to do. Life had taken a lot from her, but it wasn’t going to steal what little dignity and honor she had left.

  Helen nodded, starting towards the door.

  “Fine. But only if you know that’s all this is, you walking me home. Nothing more.”

  He nodded his agreement. The blush on her cheeks had receded and left her feeling almost normal. They walked side-by-side in silence, Matthew keeping a safe distance away with his hands shoved into his pockets.

  “Thank you for the dance,” he muttered, breaking the stillness of the night air between them. “I don’t get to do that often.”

  “I doubt that,” she said without thinking, immediately wanting to reach out into the air and pull the words back into her mouth. She cringed, awaiting his response.

  “Why’s that?”

  “Have you seen yourself?”

  “That could go two ways,” he laughed. “Are you complimenting or insulting me?”

  She couldn’t help but smile. Cocking her head to the side, she looked into his eyes.

  “I’ll let you decide.”